


Just Hold Me

by DefSoling



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:02:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefSoling/pseuds/DefSoling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke and Kakashi have a complicated relationship.  After a night together, they grew closer but never took the step forward to be more than just friends and teacher and student.  But after a drunken night with his ANBU captain, Neji, Sasuke finds himself questioning his relationship with Kakashi.  KakaSasu, Minor NejiSasu</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For Comfort and Mistakes

Chapter 1

For Comfort and Mistakes

It was a bad idea, a part of him knew. He wasn’t thinking clearly. His brother had just died, he had returned home and he was at odds with almost everyone in the village. He didn’t really have many people on his side and he should be very careful around those he did have. He shouldn’t be taking such a step, changing the very essence of a relationship just because he was sad and lonely and so utterly pained by the mere thought of being him. He shouldn’t be even considering this, it was so taboo, but he really needed some comfort. He needed to just forget for a little while. He needed to let loose, lose control for once.

It had started out innocently. Kakashi, his dear old sensei, had escorted him home. It was Sasuke’s first night in the village outside of a cell and he would be back in his old family home that was filled with memories. The silver haired man had just wanted to be sure that his (ex) student would be okay all alone in that house. The two hadn’t said a word the entire way to the dark house.

The house had been vacant since the incident, boarded up and marked off with crime scene tape Sasuke had never gotten around to taking down. Since the incident he hadn’t set a foot near the house and had instead moved into an apartment. Now, however, no landlord would take the Uchiha Traitor into their building so he was left to face his demons if he wanted to have a roof over his head. Kakashi had helped Sasuke pull a board that had been nailed across the front door haphazardly. The teen had pulled open the door with a creaking sound.

It was like stepping back in time but also like walking into an alternative universe at the same time. Everything was the same. Everyday items were laying around, as if the owners had just gone down the hall and would be back in a moment to grab it. Everything is as it was that day, evidence of the normal day his parents had on that fateful day that everything came crashing down. However, when Sasuke stepped through the threshold, almost feeling like he should call out his presence like he did everyday when he returned from school, he didn’t smell his mother’s cooking like he had so many times before. The musty, stuffy air smelled of dust and neglect. Everything was darker and colder, almost hauntingly so, showing the signs of the dark past. Sasuke could make out the footprints of the ANBU who had traipsed through his house that night without taking off their shoes. He could see old evidence markers laying discarded on the floor. Without a doubt Sasuke knew he would see the bloodstain on the floor when he finally gathered the courage to go into that room.

The seventeen year old felt the analyzing stare of his sensei and swallowed thickly. He removed his shoes at the door, a habit that he had a creeping suspicion will never go away even though his mother wasn’t here to remind him anymore. Kakashi eyed him and then did the same before he followed slowly after the teen, who had stepped into the stifling kitchen. Kakashi stood in the doorway while Sasuke stood in the center of the room, looking at the room from his past.

The pain and sadness overwhelmed him. Itachi’s death too fresh and clear in his head, his mind swirling with the images of his blood, and his mind reliving every happy and sad moment of his childhood. He felt so alone, so utterly wretched standing in that dust covered kitchen. More than anything he wished to be free of it, to not have to worry about anything for just a few hours. He needed an escape from the pain of being him.

He turned, his body acting on his own while he mind protested. He knew it would be a bad idea but his body moved slowly to his sensei that seemed to know that Sasuke needed some comfort without having to voice anything. The older man stood still as Sasuke stepped up to him and wrapped pale arms around his waist and buried his face in his neck. They stood like this for a long time, Kakashi’s hand lightly resting on Sasuke’s sleeve.

A pale hand slowly crept to the front of Kakashi’s jacket. His hand stilled for a moment before nimble fingers unzipped his Jounin vest. His face remained buried in his neck as both hands moved to gently and tantalizingly remove the vest from the older man’s upper body. The sensei had his out now, Sasuke had paused to see how the removal had been taken. Still Kakashi made no move to reject the grieving teen, knowing what the rejection would do to him at such a vulnerable time.

There was no turning back from this moment. As soon as Sasuke had gotten his silent go-ahead a sort of frenzy took over. He reached up and pulled at the mask that blocked his sensei’s face and pulled it away. Not even bothering to examine the newly revealed skin that had been hidden from him for years, he latched onto the surprisingly soft lips. Lips meshed as Sasuke’s arms moved to wrap around Kakashi’s neck while the older man clutched his waist.

Sasuke leaned back slowly, refusing to let go of Kakashi and instead leading him forward. The teen felt a flat surface against his back and he knew it was the refrigerator. He pushed himself flat against the cold surface, feeling Kakashi push closer to him to mold their bodies together. Sasuke dragged his arms down his sensei’s sides and gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled upward. Kakashi pulled his arms away, lifting his arms up to allow the raven to remove the shirt more easily. Sasuke dragged his hands over his now bare chest, caressing the muscles.

Sasuke’s shirt opened from the front so Kakashi was able to pull it open without having to break the ravenous kiss. Sasuke tugged his arms out of the article with difficulty before his arms went back around Kakashi’s neck again. His hands did not linger there for long, instead travelling down to stroke skin lower and lower until he reached the hem of Kakashi’s pants. His fingers worked the button and then the zipper. Kakashi planted his hands on the fridge firmly and allowed Sasuke to crouch and pull the article down. He pulled the older man’s underwear down too, his face now level with the man’s engorged member. Sasuke stuck his tongue out and gave the organ a quick swirl and a single flick before he stood up quickly, where Kakashi was groaning. He locked lips with his sensei again while Kakashi slowly stepped out of the pooled article at his ankles.

Kakashi’s hands went to undressing Sasuke now. Sasuke assisted him, pulling down the clothes after it was unbuttoned and stepping out of them harshly and with minor difficulties. Once they were both free from their clothing, they pressed their flushed fresh together, standing as closely as they could. Sasuke was clutching Kakashi’s slightly coarse hair, tugging slightly, while their tongues swirled and tangled.

“Do you have anything?” Kakashi asked between meshed lips.

“No,” Sasuke panted hotly.

Kakashi nodded and then started kissing his neck, biting and sucking as his hand reached up. His fingers brushed Sasuke’s lips, who accepted them into his mouth. His tongue swirled around each digit, coating it with salvia but also showing Kakashi what he was capable of with his tongue. Kakashi moaned and pressed his hot member against his inner thigh while he sucked on Sasuke’s collarbone.

Kakashi’s mouth walked his way back up to his mouth, where he pulled his fingers out with a pop. Sasuke kissed him deeply once more before he turned and pressed his hands against the fridge. Kakashi pressed up against him, pushing his knee between the teen’s legs to be they are spread far enough. His wet fingers then pressed against Sasuke’s hole, who gasped and waited for the penetration.

The first finger in was only uncomfortable, his body being relaxed enough to take it. He gasped when a second finger pressed in, a sting accompanying the stretching that needed some time to adjust to. A third finger joined the other two and Sasuke bit his lip to stop the pained groan that threatened to escape. Kakashi kissed the back of his neck comfortingly as he tried to massage the stretched muscles inside of the teen. Sasuke let out a shaky breath and leaned his head back on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Relax,” Kakashi whispered hotly in his ear while his hand, clad in fingerless gloves still, moved around the grip Sasuke and caress between his legs. Sasuke let out a groan, turning his head to kiss this sensei’s exposed neck. With each stroke and caress the pain began to ebb and was replaced with pleasure until Sasuke felt no more pain. He moaned, his one hand coming up to grab a fistful of Kakashi’s hair.

“Please,” he groaned while Kakashi gently tried to stretch him farther.

“I should continue or else it will hurt,” he muttered his voice thick with lust but calm.

Sasuke pulled harshly on his hair. “Fuck that,” and then removed his other hand from the fridge to reach around and forcibly pull fingers out of him. His hands moved back to brace himself against the fridge and he looked over his shoulder with an impatient look. Kakashi shook and head but decided to just go along with the teen’s impatience. He positioned himself and then pushed in slowly.

Sasuke gasped, hanging his head down and biting his lip. The pain was almost unbearable. He tasted blood, realizing dimly that he had bit his lip too hard. _"I need this. I need this. I need this,"_ he chanted in his head, almost wanting to stop. But he needed to ride it out. He needed to lose control and feel an embrace. He had lost everything. He needed this in this moment. Stopping wasn’t an option, not now.

But Kakashi was kind to him. He went gently, slowly so that he could adjust. With a little bit of searching he brushed against Sasuke’s prostate and earned a pleased gasp. A minor adjustment later and he was hitting it dead on. All pain was erased and jolts of pleasure continuously coursed through him. And as he wanted, Sasuke lost all control. He moaned and groaned, his legs turning to jelly making him tremble against the onslaught of emotions and pleasure.

Kakashi pulled him over to the counter, staying connected the entire time. He bent him over the edge of the counter and Sasuke was inwardly thankful so he didn’t have to stand any longer. The angle shifted, still hitting his prostate but this time allowing for deeper contact. Sasuke moaned again, making dust fan out in front of his face.

They stayed like this for a long time, the sound of flesh hitting and harsh panting filling the air. With each thrust Kakashi did Sasuke was pushed against the counter, his hip bones scrapping against the harsh edge. He would be sore tomorrow, he thought dimly, but in the moment he didn’t care about the pain. This was exactly what he needed, a feeling of closeness with someone to distract him from the pain he felt inside. He didn’t want it to end.

Kakashi suddenly pulled out and pulled him off of the counter. He turned him and then picked him up and placed him back on the counter. He moved between his legs and pushed in with a single thrust, hitting Sasuke dead on. The raven cried out weakly, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. His face settled in Kakashi’s neck, kissing it between moans and gasps.

A warm coil of pleasure twisted tighter and tighter in his gut. He was nearing his end, he knew. He could almost feel that Kakashi was too. He clenched his legs tighter around his sensei’s hips more tightly, returning thrusts weakly. He let out a shuttering breath and then grabbed Kakashi’s head between both hands. His pressed his lips to his. It was a simple kiss, no tongue or containing that wild frenzy that their kisses originally contained. It was somehow more powerful, this simple kiss, and touched him more than anything he had ever experienced before. This kiss sent him over the edge.

His muscles clenched and tightened and it suddenly felt like a whirlpool of emotion and pleasure exploded. He cried out into the kiss, his scream coming out muffled inside of Kakashi’s mouth. The clenching around Kakashi finally pushed him over, as well as that final kiss, and felt the same release. He let out a moan and held Sasuke tighter as they rode out their orgasms.

They held each other as their bodies returned to normal and their breath evened out. Sasuke still held Kakashi’s face between his hands, though neither was looking at one another. Kakashi finally opened his eyes, admiring the beautiful and peaceful expression on Sasuke’s face. Sasuke slowly opened his eyes and looked at his sensei. His eyes were sad, the truth of his world sinking in again now that the pleasure was gone.

“Take me up to bed,” he whispered and Kakashi complied without a second thought. His lifted him from the counter, legs still wrapped around him and his now flaccid cock still embedded in the younger male, and carried him up the stairs. Sasuke moved his arms to wrap back around his neck, holding him tightly as he tried to fight off the sudden sadness he felt to be back in this house.

Kakashi finally pulled out when he set the smaller raven down in bed, who whimpered slightly at the loss. Sasuke pulled his sensei down onto the bed with him, clutching him tightly. Everything overwhelmed him again, this time resulting in tears he couldn’t control. He choked on a sob and was held tightly as he let his sadness go.

Kakashi bore the storm with him until he calmed. He laid there exhausted before twisting in Kakashi’s hold and kissed him softly, first on his cheek and then his lips. It was a lazy kiss, but somehow it felt like the last kiss that threw them over the edge. They pulled away and drifted to sleep in each other’s arms.

-

They didn’t talk about their night again. The next morning they got dressed as if nothing had happened and together cleaned the house as if it was any other day. Kakashi employed Naruto and Sakura to help and together the four of them got rid of the old furniture and packed away old family items. They repainted and remodeled and bought new furnishings Sasuke could comfortably say that it was no longer his old family home but instead his home.

Team seven went on as normal. They trained and supported one another. They went on missions and watched each other’s backs. They got stronger, and grew taller and more mature. The whole team was there when Sakura finally expected Lee’s dinner invitation. The whole team was there when Naruto began working under Tsunade, learning the ropes of being Hokage. The team was there when Sasuke was accepted into ANBU.

Through each twist and turn they were there for one another, some more than others. Kakashi never talked about it but he still thought about it from time to time. Sasuke had become his dirty little secret and to Sasuke Kakashi was the one who was always there. The two grew closer that night, whether they were willing to admit it or not.

 

 

 

Sasuke’s eyes fluttered open slowly, distressed by the little rays of lights that were peaking through the blinds. He groaned his head pounding and the morning light shining straight in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to get out of bed just yet. Attempting to remedy the situation, he rolled over. He halted, however, when he rolled straight onto something warm, firm, and definitely moving.

He opened his eyes slowly, not knowing what to expect but having a feeling it wasn’t going to be pleasant. He found that he had unintentionally settled himself directly against warm exposed flesh. The skin was pale and only a few scars marring the smooth surface but chiseled in an almost delicate manner letting the raven know that this was a shinobi in bed with him. Dimly Sasuke was aware that whoever’s body this was had a more beautiful body than he did. Sasuke’s own flesh was brutally scarred from too many years pushing himself. His time with Orochimaru had left him so scarred that he could barely look at himself in the mirror sometimes. His marred flesh was an insecurity of his. He always wore long sleeves now, pants and gloves if his sleeves weren’t long enough to cover most of his hands. The only one he let see his skin was Kakashi, and even that was a rarity.

Sasuke shifted his head from its resting spot on a pale muscled arm and looked up to see the face of his mystery partner. Shock filtered through his system as he took in familiar chestnut colored locks fanned out over the pillow, bindings wrapped around a forehead, fine admittedly handsome features of Neji Hyuga. The very same Neji Hyuga who happened to be his ANBU captain and, more recently, his friend.

He searched his mind in a scrambled and panicked fashion, trying to remember the events that led him here in this compromising position. Slowly it began to filter back. They were on a mission, a particularly hard mission that left everyone on the team spent and needing some sort of release. Instead of camping out for the night they had decided to get out of their uniforms and rented a few rooms at the local inn. It had been Kai, a loud sort of obnoxious but well meaning member of their team, who had suggested they go out to the local bar. It had also been Kai who innocently suggested they have a drinking contest.

Sasuke and Neji both were too stubborn to lose, Sasuke recalled, which resulted in both continuing to down shot after shot even after the others had opted out once they had reached their own limits. He dimly remembered the bartender eventually stopped serving them and they had decided to go back to the inn where there were mini bars in each room so they could determine who was the winner. The others had decided to call it a night and went to go sleep off their own drunkenness while the two geniuses went to Neji’s room and raided the mini bar.

Sasuke didn’t remember who made the first move but he did remember bit and pieces of the proceeding results of this decision. He remembered strong bruising lips on his own as tongues swirled. There was heated warmth leaving a steamy trail over already overheated flesh. He remembered very dimly Neji had hovered over him and wordlessly spread his legs and positioned himself. He remembered arching off the bed, his legs locked around pale hips and thrusting weakly as he was being rammed. He remembered the pooling heat in his stomach as their grunts and groans filled the air. He remembered that Neji had softly stroked his cheek in an overly affectionate manner as he rammed into him and looked into his eyes deeply. He remembered that it was this strange affectionate display that pushed him over the edge and into the delicious orgasm that shocked him to the core.

_Shit._

Before Sasuke could even think of doing anything, eyes slowly fluttered open to reveal pale lavender eyes. Immediately they locked with his own and Sasuke tensed as he registered the shock and confusion that slowly drifted to understanding as Neji’s mind began to fill in the pieces.

“Well,” the young captain muttered at last, “this is awkward.”

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered before he quickly turned to extract himself from the bed. He could feel his captain’s eye on him as he sat on the edge of the bed and scanned the room quickly for his clothes. Embarrassingly enough they were thrown everywhere which meant he would have to run around to retrieve his clothes.

Feeling completely ridiculous and more insecure about his tattered flesh than ever before, he stood quickly and scooped his black underwear off the floor to pull them on. He spied his pants a few feet away and he rushed to pull those on as well. His shirt was another matter, for it didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. This posed a problem for the raven for the majority of his ugly scars were scattered around his torso and was currently the only thing he couldn’t cover up. A quick glance at his captain and he saw him now sitting on the edge of the bed as well, the sheets pooled around his naked lower half as fished through the sheets for something. A moment later and Neji was throwing his shirt at him.

“Toss me my underwear,” he said as the raven’s shirt sailed through the air. Sasuke caught it with a single hand while he used his other to scoop a dark article of clothing off the floor and toss it to the other male.

Neji muttered a single appreciative word as he pulled his underwear on. Sasuke wasted no time in covering his tattered flesh, feeling utterly foolish for appearing so vulnerable in front of his captain. Sasuke tugged at the hem, securing it before he dared to look up at his captain. The man was now standing beside the bed, adjusting the waistband. Sasuke looked away quickly, scanning the room for his socks and shoes.

He located them and rushed to pull them on while his captain almost lazily moved around behind him, presumable getting dressed. Sasuke stood and rushed to the door, refusing to look at him.

“Be ready to leave in an hour. I want to be back home by three,” Neji said to which Sasuke nodded quickly and then fled.

Sasuke was mortified when the team checked out of the inn and began their trek home. Sasuke was very grateful for his ANBU mask that hid his face as he rushed through the trees, wanting nothing more than escape from his captain. How could be allow himself to do this? What was it about him that made him sleep with his superiors, his male superiors at that?

Sasuke faltered in his step for a moment. To be honest, even after he slept with Kakashi he hadn’t thought himself gay or even bisexual. Kakashi had always been special to him. With Kakashi, it had been his moment of comfort and the need to feel complete for at least a moment. He trusted Kakashi in a way he would never be able to trust anyone else so it had been an easy decision for him to make in that moment. And even if he had slept with a man, he hadn’t thought that made him a gay or anything.

But with Neji, Sasuke didn’t know what to think anymore. He couldn’t hide behind the excuse of trusting the man completely that it didn’t matter that he was in fact a man. Neji was his captain and barely a friend until recently. They didn’t know each other like Kakashi and Sasuke did and this fact alone freaked Sasuke out. He knew he could trust Kakashi to never tell but he couldn’t say the same for Neji. He didn’t know how Neji would react to this while he knew exactly how Kakashi would handle it.

They reported back to Konoha just before three and debriefed with Tsunade quickly. Sasuke tried to focus on the mission but was finding it difficult to focus when all he wanted to do was run away. Oddly, there was only one place he wanted to go and it wasn’t home. The idea of just hanging out on Kakaski’s old lumpy couch like he had done many times over the years was oddly comforting to him. Despite the close nature of his relationship with Naruto that he could never seem to figure out how it happened or even really define it, Naruto could never seem to offer him the same comfort that Kakashi did.

“Okay, then,” Tsunade said as she raked a hand through her hair, obviously displeased by nature of the mission she had just heard about. “You are dismissed. Rest up, you deserve it,” she muttered with a wave of the hand to shoo them away.

Sasuke didn’t need to be told twice and fled the room as quickly as possible without drawing attention to himself. He could feel Neji’s eyes on him and dimly heard the older man call his name but he ignored it and rushed away. He took a complicated route just in case Neji decided to follow him even though he was sure that the man wasn’t. He stopped at Kakashi’s favorite restaurant for take-out before he retreated to his sensei’s home.

Picking up way too many habits from his sensei, Sasuke soon found himself perched at his teacher’s window sill as the man lounged on the couch with his favorite orange book in hand. He was in a pair of sweats and a form fitting tank top that extended up to cover his neck and lower face. No headband covered his scarred eye and his feet were bare, his ankles crossed on the couch.

“Knock, knock,” Sasuke muttered as he stepped off his perch and into the room. He went straight to the kitchen where he placed the food filled bag on the table. He heard Kakashi mutter out a greeting from his position on the couch as he pulled out eating utensils and went to the fridge for drinks.

He was very comfortable in the apartment, much more comfortable than his other teammates. Naruto had probably been to the apartment only once but at least he went in unlike Sakura who was forced to stand outside when she stopped by one day. Sasuke spent a lot of time at his sensei’s apartment, probably more than at his own place if he thought about it.

Balancing two cups, the utensils and the food in his arms, Sasuke made his way into the living room and deposited the items on the coffee table. He then lifted Kakashi’s feet and sat down before placing the feet in his lap. He leaned over and grabbed the food, taking out one box for Kakashi and another for himself. Kakashi gratefully took the offered food, putting down the book after making his page and pulled his mask down. The wise eyes scanned his young student, taking in his appearance.

“You’re still in your ANBU uniform,” he observed and then took a bite. “What happened?”

Sasuke shrugged wordlessly and focused on his food. “Just a rough mission. You know how it is, you were ANBU once too,” he commented as he pushed some food around.

Kakashi stared at him wordlessly. “There’s more to it than that, but I have a feeling you aren’t gonna tell me,” he said and then took another bite.

Sasuke looked up to his sensei, his eyes expressing his guilt for only a moment before he was quickly changing the subject. He placed his food back on the table, suddenly not hungry anymore, and instead reached out to grab Kakashi’s favorite book. He opened it, skimming its contents quickly.

“Her loud lusty moans filled the room as large fingers pulled at her hair while the other ones were quickly and roughly inserted into her heavenly wet cavern,” he said in a mocking tone. He looked to his sensei incredulously. “Why do you read this shit?”

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally and took a large bite of his food before he too placed the food away. “Don’t lose my page,” he muttered as he chewed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at his teacher’s comment and continued to skim over the different chapters. “Is there even a plot in this? Each chapter just looks like smut,” he commented as Kakashi shifted. The older man removed his feet from the younger male’s lap and moved them so that his feet were on either side of Sauske’s hips. Sasuke repositioned himself as well, pulling himself closer between Kakashi’s parted legs so that he could comfortably lean back.

“Are you going to answer my question?” Kakashi asked, ignoring Sasuke’s attempt to change the subject.

Sasuke snorted. “‘Vigorously gyrating breast’? Seriously?” Sasuke remarked as he turned the page with a shake of his head.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi called gently.

The young adult looked up calmly to look at his serious teacher. Sasuke stared him his sensei wordlessly before he sighed and slumped back for a moment, defeated. He opened his mouth after a moment to confess his indiscretion but then stopped short, suddenly unable to. His guilt overwhelmed him suddenly, and he found himself struggling with the feeling that he betrayed his teacher for some reason.

He and Kakashi had a strange relationship. After they had sex, neither one of them mentioned it except the rare teasing lewd comment from Kakashi when they were alone. They were obviously not a couple, never taking any sort of step afterwards but rather took a step back to a comfortable friendship. They were closer than they ever were afterwards, as they both took comfort from the other’s presence but it never progressed. They never shared a kiss afterwards but they had no problem with being close to one another. Kakashi was the only person Sasuke was comfortable enough to lounge around unguarded with. Over the years, they have found themselves tangled together in more than one innocent and comforting embrace but never have they took anything past that single night.

Still, Sasuke suddenly felt as if he had been unfaithful to this older man in front of him. A heavy weight settled in his stomach and he felt sick suddenly, as if he was going to throw up. Could this damage their relationship? Had he accidently crossed some sort of line and turned his back on his teacher? Would Kakashi be hurt that he slept with another person? Would he leave him and could he cope if he lost Kakashi?

Sasuke took a strangled breath and suddenly moved, needing the feel of Kakashi’s arms around him. He needed to feel the familiar comfort and to know that Kakashi was still there with him. It was suddenly very clear to him just how much the older man meant to him. If Kakashi suddenly turned his back on him, he knew without a doubt that he would lose himself. Somehow Kakashi kept him grounded. He doubted he could live without him in his life.

He stretched himself over Kakashi’s strong frame, tucking his head into his neck and clutching his shirt in his hands. “Can you just hold me?” he asked against the fabric over his neck.

Kakashi seemed to tense in surprise for a moment before he instantly relaxed and his arms wrapped around him. One hand settled on his shoulder while the other loosely held his hip, not seeming to be bothered by the fact that Sasuke wasn’t answering or was on top of him. He held him close, his chin resting on top of Sasuke’s head as they sat in a comfortable silence.

“What are you thinking?” Kakashi finally asked after a long time.

Sasuke turned his head so that it wasn’t buried anymore and instead tucked himself in a bit more so that his cheek rested against Kakashi’s collarbone. He took in a deep breath, breathing in the familiar scent of Kakashi’s scent. “I was thinking that I like this a little too much,” he admitted in barely a whisper. Kakashi smirked softly and squeezed Sasuke tighter in his arms.

Sasuke exhaled, thinking over more clouded memories of last night. He remembered the feel of Neji’s hands brushing over him affectionately. He remembered closing his eyes and taking in the gesture, surprised that Neji would be so affectionate as if he cared for him deeply. The gesture reminded him of Kakashi and about their time in which Kakashi explored his body. He thought about that kiss, the one that sent him over the edge because it was that powerful. And then he remembered that he had been pushed over the edge after that.

Sasuke took a deep breath. The affectionate gesture Neji did may have led him up to his climax, but now he remembered clearly that it had been the memory of his kiss to finally release him. He clutched Kakashi even tighter to himself, which somehow confused him more.


	2. Searching and Confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke and Kakashi have a complicated relationship. After a night together, they grew closer but never took the step forward to be more than just friends and teacher and student. But after a drunken night with his ANBU captain, Neji, Sasuke finds himself questioning his relationship with Kakashi. KakaSasu, Minor NejiSasu

Chapter 2

Searching and Confrontations

Neji sighed from his perch on the rooftop, crouched over slightly to observe the busy street below.  He had been hunting around the streets of Konoha all day looking for a certain raven haired teammate of his.  After a night like last night, he really needed to talk to him.  However, the raven had pulled a disappearing act as soon as Tsunade dismissed them.  One second he was standing there, clearly uncomfortable, and then the next he was out of there as quickly as he could without arousing suspicions from their other teammates.  Hell, Neji had even called after him but the raven had ignored him.

He wasn’t sure why he was all that surprised, actually.  Sasuke clearly has issues with running away from his problems.  When his clan died, he had moved out of his former home, refusing to face the deaths.  When he grew too close to Naruto and his teammates, he freaked and ran with the excuse that he couldn’t get strong enough to defeat his brother here.  The list went on that demonstrated that when Sasuke didn’t know how to deal with something, he ran.  Last night and this morning’s escape act was further proof.

Still, no matter how obviously flawed that raven haired man was, Neji had always been drawn to him.  He would never admit it, not even to himself for a very long time in fact, but subconsciously had always let his eyes drift over to him whenever he was near.  He could relate to him in a way, stuck in the mindset of revenge for a long time, a child prodigy within his clan, withdrawn from many people, wronged by his own family.  While they weren’t exactly the same, Neji could still relate to him.  There was an almost grudging respect for him.

It wasn’t until recently that he had even noticed how his gaze lingered on Sasuke for a different reason.  Suddenly it wasn’t about observing the other prodigy with sick fascination anymore.  Shortly after Sasuke had joined his squad, something that had displeased the young ANBU captain initially, Neji began to get to know the raven and, dare he say, became his friend.  It was then, as they spent long hours together on missions as teammates and friends, that Neji became to notice things about the raven that he hadn’t before.

Often he found himself admiring his form.  It was tall and lean, but chiseled in a way that Neji believed was simply unfair for any person to have and still be considered a human instead of a god.  Sometimes he found himself admiring the way the muscles in his arms would move as he moved in his skin tight uniform.  Like most shinobi, he had a certain level of grace in the way he moves.  However, there was something more with him.  He seemed somewhat unnaturally graceful, and he hadn’t been the only one to notice this fact.  Kai, one of their team members, was always teasing him by coming up with mocking nicknames to accentuate this like “twinkle-toes” or “dancer” or “prancer”.

It was a well known fact that Sasuke was an attractive man.  He had always been so, growing from a cute kid to a heartthrob teen to now an almost devilishly handsome man.  When he was younger, Neji would never admit to seeing this fact and maintained that he never noticed the preteen at all.  Now, Neji couldn’t deny it anymore.  He liked looking at his eyes, how dark they are and so very dangerous if he tried.  When you looked at him in those few times when he was relaxed enough to let himself seem almost (almost, he says because it seemed to him that Sasuke was never truly unguarded.  Hell, even in his sleep Neji doubted if you could see the real him) unguarded, his eyes were deceptively un-dangerous.  He liked his dark raven hair and the contrast it made with his pale skin.  He was drawn to the silky quality of his pale skin, wondering if the rest of his skin that he always had covered up so much was just as pretty.  It was, he now knew.  It wasn’t the typical definition of beauty as it was so marred, but somehow Neji couldn’t think of it as anything but perfect in how unperfect it was.  It suited him, somehow, that on the outside he was this unbreakable god-like being but underneath his front he was perfectly scarred and broken in such a beauty way.  The beauty, he thought, came from the fact that although he hid his scars, he had survived them and had become something more because of it.

And it wasn’t just his beauty that attracted him.  In the time that Neji had spent with him on the same team, he gotten a better picture of how Sasuke was.  Of course Sasuke was always going to be a mystery to him, but he was now able to see things he hadn’t before.  Oddly, he could see why Naruto had been so obsessed with the boy.  Something drew you to him, and it wasn’t his charming personality.  Neji often thought it was the little things that pulled you in.  Like how he was always so quiet, but when he opened his mouth his remarks were thought out, intelligent, and sometimes surprisingly funny that often left him blindsided.  He liked how he would look away and off to the side when he was uncomfortable or didn’t want to admit something.  He liked that he was not a morning person, and that while he was still alert enough to be safe on a mission, he gets this pouty glare when obvious morning people annoy him.  He liked that he had his own language of grunts and looks that only a person who spent a lot of time with him truly understood.  He liked how he knew that he could always trust the raven to have his back, that he was caring, loyal, and trustworthy despite his past.

Neji couldn’t help but sigh at the turn of events, conflicted.  He had only just recently come to terms that he was attracted to Sasuke both because of his beauty and because of who he was as a person.  It was something Neji was willing to take to the grave with him, his “crush” on the presumably straight Uchiha man.  Now, however, after their night of drunken passion, he didn’t know what to do.

He had no doubt that he was the one to make a move on Sasuke and initiated the whole thing.  He remembered thinking that it was kind of odd how Sasuke hadn’t pulled away from him when he leaned heavily against him as they joked and drank those last few rounds alone or even when Neji’s hand had “innocently” landed on his thigh.  It had been enough to encourage his drunken brain to lean in and capture surprised lips in mid-laugh.  A second after the contact, he regretted the decision and dreaded the rejection that was about to come.  But instead surprised lips shifted and melded against his in a fiery but sloppy kiss.  To say that he was shocked that he was being kissed back, he was nearly overwhelmed with his shock and confusion when moments after the kiss started Sasuke had a firm grip of his hair and was climbing into his lap.

His recollection of that night was slightly blurry but he remembered enough to leaving him longing for more and with enough to fuel his dreams and late night “alone-time” with himself for a long time.  Of course Neji was no virgin being his own heartthrob of sorts in Konoha, but none of the few women he had compared to Sasuke.  Sasuke’s canal was tighter than any women he ever felt, and warmer.  The noises he had made, the feel of his skin against his, the look on his face as he moaned in ecstasy.  He had never seen something so beauty, and sexy.  And he had never seen Sasuke in such a state.  He had never seen him tremble so much.  He had never seen him give control so easily and let someone dominate him.  He had never seen that look in his eyes before, the one that was clouded by lust with this overwhelmed edge.  He looked so fragile, trembling and looking so overwhelmed by this onslaught of emotions and sinful pleasures that a few times Sasuke had tried to cover his face or look away and Neji had to keep pulling his hands away from his beautiful face so he could see what he was doing to him.  That was what he was doing when he was pushed over the edge, gently cupping Sasuke’s face so that he could gaze upon that frantic and adoring look in Sasuke’s eyes.

Neji was so conflicted now.  He didn’t know whether to be happy about the change of events or regret ever second of it.  Of course he was happy.  It was sort of a dream come true for him, his “crush” having given himself to him.  It was an experience like no other and a part of Neji was always going to be happy that something like this happened to him.

But he was so confused now.  Did it mean anything?  Was it possible that this night could lead to more?  Possibly more sex?  He knew that he enjoyed it and Sasuke seemed to enjoy it as well.  If Sasuke approached him and asked him to be his fuck buddy of sorts Neji had no doubt that he would jump at the opportunity.  After all, who can say that they got to fuck the Sasuke Uchiha into the mattress?  Neji, that’s who.  And he would gladly do it again, and again, and again.  But maybe there was a chance at more than just sex.  It was a chance, of course, because Sasuke has never let anyone in before, but maybe since he already let him in his pants he could worm his way more solidly into his life.  Maybe there could be a chance that they could become more to each other.  This could be a door to a better life for both of them.

But he didn’t want to get his hopes up either.  Sasuke ran from him, wanting to get as far away from him as possible.  It could be that he was embarrassed, but it could easily be that he regretted the decision.  Maybe, and it was very likely with how closed off Sasuke was, he had lost his virginity last night, to a man none the less, and he was freaking out.  It could very well be that Sasuke regrets this so bad that their friendship is going to be ruined forever.  This could be an unfixable mistake. 

But he wasn’t going to find out where they stood until he could find the younger man and talk to him.

He had already been to the Uchiha Compound and found it completely empty.  It was the place that he had expected Sasuke to have gone first but he was nowhere to be seen.  So then he tried the training grounds next, knowing Sasuke likes to train when he was troubled.  This had been a dead end was well.  The only ones there that he had recognized were Ino, Shikamaru and Kiba.  When he asked them if Sasuke had been by they said that he hadn’t.  They hadn’t even known he was back in the village after their mission.

His next strategy was to simply to comb the streets.  He had been jumping from street to street for nearly two hours and still nothing.  He was beginning to think the endeavor was hopeless.  Sasuke was clearly hiding out somewhere.  With a sigh, it suddenly occurred to him that maybe he was with his blonde best friend.  It would make sense.  Strangely enough, Naruto was clearly Sasuke’s best friend for reasons Neji doubted that even they could explain.  So if a friend had done something bad, perhaps he had turned to the support of his friend.

Neji went straight to the ramen shop, hoping that Naruto wasn’t with the Hokage or something.  Luck was finally on his side as he quickly spotted the familiar blonde and orange that was Naruto sitting on a stool.  However, he wasn’t so lucky because instead of his raven best friend occupying the seat next to him, it was the other member of Team Seven, Sakura.  He sighed, disappointing already creeping up on him, but he made his way to their side.

“Good afternoon, Neji,” Sakura greeted first and Neji quickly returned the greeting politely.  He liked Sakura.  They hadn’t a lot of time together but from what they have while in company of their fellow friends, he had enjoyed her presence.  He had noticed that she had matured over the years and now tolerable.  That being said, he wasn’t going to go out of his way to spend time with her to really get to know her but he didn’t mind her presence.

“Hey!  Are you gonna join us for ramen?” Naruto asked, his voice slightly marred with his confusion but clearly being polite.  They had had a few awkward gatherings with Sasuke.  Although it was usually Neji who ran into them, once before Neji and Sasuke had gone out for drinks after a particularly hard mission and had ran into Naruto.  Neji and Naruto had different personalities and found it hard to stand one another for long periods of time (how Sasuke did it, he would never know).  Having Sasuke around helped but each was always careful around one another because they didn’t want to put the raven in an awkward situation.  More so, Neji was afraid of making Sasuke choose because he highly doubted that he would come out on top when it came to Sasuke and Naruto.

“No, thank you.  I’m actually looking for Sasuke.  He ran off after our mission and I wanted to talk to him.  You wouldn’t happen to know where he might be, would you?” he asked, getting straight to the point.

Sakura snorted and Naruto laughed before he answered.  “Nah, I love my best friend but I never know with him.  He just disappears a lot.”  Neji frowned, finding the information surprising.  Where could he go in this village?

“Yeah, we don’t have “Sasuke Senses” like Kakashi does,” Sakura muttered while daintily leaning forward to bring some noodles to her lips.

Neji frowned but ignored the comment.  “Well, thanks anyways,” he muttered and then began to turn away.

“We’ll tell him that you are looking for him if we see him,” Sakura shouted to him as he exited the building.  He just gave a small wave to signal his thanks and departure.

/

Sasuke’s eyes slowly fluttered open, immediately becoming aware that he was no longer on Kakashi’s couch but instead in a familiar bedroom.  Instead of tensing up or panicking, Sasuke relaxed knowing that he was in a familiar bed.  Over the years, he had found himself in this bed more times than he can count.  Often it seemed he slept better here than his own home.  In his own home he was plagued by nightmares as it was the house in which his family had died.  It was for this reason that he often found himself sleeping at Kakashi’s place. 

He stretched slowly, his back pressed against something warm behind him.  He looked over his shoulder where Kakashi was.  He was sleeping on his side, facing him, completely lost in a dream world.  Although he was close to him and it was him who was invading Kakashi’s bed, the older man always kept his hands to himself when they shared a bed.  He liked to sleep close enough to feel the warmth, but Kakashi seemed to know some sort of boundaries between them.

In fact, it was Sasuke who blurred the line between them.  It was Sasuke who made a move on Kakashi that fateful night.  It was Sasuke who sought out his teacher for comfort on a regular basis.  It was Sasuke who could curl himself into the older man as they slept or pulled the man into an embrace.  Of course Sasuke never thought much of his actions, finding it natural, and it wasn’t as if Kakashi pushed him away.  Kakashi just seemed to accept everything as if it was normal so it never struck Sasuke as odd or even inappropriate and then it did become normal between them.  When he was younger, it probably would have been odd to him (if he even thought about doing it, that is) but now Sasuke was just so used to Kakashi after that night that he didn’t think twice before he did something.

Sasuke carefully turned over to face his teacher without waking him.  Quietly, he studied the older man’s form.  He was a truly handsome man who hid behind a mask.  He was larger than Sasuke, taller and while still lean, had a more built frame.  But it was his face that Sasuke fixated on.  His features her chiseled and he almost had the perfect proportions.  Even his scarred eye added something to his beauty.  It added an aspect of danger to him, almost intimidating.  His silver hair was mused, slightly fanned out and falling over his face and pillow in a striking way.  Sometimes it just struck Sasuke just how attractive his sensei was but no one ever really got to see.  It was almost a shame, that someone so handsome covered himself from the world.

He found himself just observing him, wondering what he ever did to deserve this man in his life.  Without Kakashi, he would be lost.  He had made a lot of mistakes and suffered from almost crippling self-doubt.  It was no secret that Sasuke was royally fucked up.  He had suffered from inferiority for a long time, never being good enough to beat his brother, not being strong enough, not being able to connect with people like he should have.  With Sasuke, it was one mistake after another and the little voice in his head that led him to make these stupid decisions. 

Things had gotten better over the years.  After his return, Kakashi had stepped into Sasuke’s life and had truly saved him.  Of course Naruto played his important part as his determined best friend, and even Sakura in a way, but it was Kakashi who had really saved him.  Kakashi held him together when he was falling apart and had been by his side ever since then.  He owed everything to Kakashi, so much more than he could ever repay him for. 

Gently, Sasuke reached out and brushed his finger tips over Kakashi’s strong jaw.  The caress was very light, almost undetectable, but it was enough to wake the slumbering man.  Sasuke often found it funny that when Kakashi wanted to, he could sleep like a log.  Other times, the lightest disturbance would make him jolt awake.  Kakashi hummed sleepily, as his eyes slowly fluttered open.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Sasuke decided to ignore the question and instead continued to brush his fingers along his jaw.  His touches were more firm now as Kakashi was already awake, but still gentle.  “What did I do to deserve you?” he asked softly to the older man.

Kakashi hummed in response and then stretched, his joints cracking in the otherwise quiet room.  He sighed contently, briefly nuzzling Sasuke’s hands affectionately.  They were silent for a long time, Kakashi laying with his eyes closed and just basking in the feel of Sasuke’s gentle caresses while Sasuke tried to distract himself from his whirling thoughts by focusing on the feel of silver stubble under his fingertips. 

Kakashi slowly opened his eyes and looked his student in the eye.  “Are you going to tell me what happened on your mission?”

Sasuke stilled thoughts of Neji and the eventual confrontation suddenly thrust into the forefront of his mind.  He chewed on his lip uncertainly, dreading when that moment will come.  Quickly, he pushed the thoughts from his mind and trailed his finger from Kakashi jaw down his neck to his collarbone where he circled the protruding bone.

“I wasn’t planning on it, no,” he answered after a moment, risking a glance at his sensei.  He was frowning at him. 

Kakashi reached up and stopped Sasuke’s exploring hands.  Sasuke tensed for a moment, looking away but eventually returning his gaze to his teacher again.  Kakashi seemed to be waiting for the eye contact.  “You know you can talk to me,” he muttered.  “I’ve been there before. I know how ANBU can be.  Talking helps,” he assured.

Sasuke winced.  “Trust me, it’s not something you will want to hear,” he mumbled and then leaned forward to lean his head against Kakashi’s chest.  He buried his face in the fabric of the shirt, taking in his familiar scent, and then groaning at the predicament his drunken brain had put himself in.

“It doesn’t matter if I want to hear about it or not.  If you need to talk about it, then I’ll listen,” Kakashi muttered, wrapping him in a comforting embrace.

Sasuke sighed and basked in the familiar warmth for a long time before groaning again.  “I have to go home and clean my uniform.  And I have to draw up my report about the mission.  And I probably have a million little things to do around the house because I’ve been gone or neglecting it before I left.  I don’t even think I have food,” he mumbled.  He sighed and then pulled away so that he could look at the older man. 

“I just want to stay here in bed and hide but I know I can’t.  I have to face reality,” he grumbled.

Kakashi gave a teasing smile.  “Growing up sucks, doesn’t it?” he asked to which Sasuke chuckled and then extracted himself from the bed. 

He went to the bathroom where he empty his bladder and then brushed his teeth with the spare toothbrush Kakashi always kept for him.  It was only when he was brushing his teeth did he notice that Kakashi had changed him out of his uniform while he slept.  He was now dressed in a pair of Kakashi’s sweatpants and a loose long sleeved shirt.  Sasuke washed his mouth out and tugged at the wide collar, fixing it so that it covered more of his scars.  No matter how he messed with it though the shirt was just too loose to properly cover the scars that started at his collarbone.  He sighed and exited the room, still fidgeting.

“Your scars look fine,” Kakashi said as he passed by him.

Sasuke paused and looked at his sensei, amazed that he could always read him.  He gave a small smile and then spotted his uniform folded neatly on the small desk in the corner.  As Sasuke gathered his things he heard Kakashi in the kitchen fiddling with something.  Sasuke followed the man out and went to the door to the window where he had left his shoes. 

“I’m stealing your clothes,” he called to his teacher.

“Go ahead, and here,” he said and Sasuke turned to look at his teacher as he walked over to him.  He had a two small breakfast pastries in his hand, wrapped in a napkin.  They were sweet with a warm flaky crust and had long been a staple in Sasuke’s diet.  Normally, he would have never tried them because they were sweet but Kakashi always bought them so he ended up eating them often until he grew to love them himself.  They were cheap, but good, and easy to heat up so the two of them often snacked on them in the morning.

“Because you have no food in your house,” he explained.  “This should hold you over until you can go shopping today,” he muttered.  Sasuke thanked him and took the offered breakfast. He thanked his teacher, promised to be by soon, and then left.

The walk to his house was quick.  He rushed through the streets until he got to the Uchiha Compound.  Then he slowed his pace, unafraid of someone seeing him with his hair still muddled from sleep, dressed in clothes that obviously weren’t his.  His breakfast had cooled some so it was warm enough to eat comfortably without burning himself.  He walked unhurriedly, his uniform clutched to his chest while he used both hands to rip pieces of the pastry apart and eat.  It was messy, with a berry filling, so he took his time savoring the flavor after each piece by licking stray filling on his fingers.

He reached his house as he was ripping into the second pastry, but froze when he was walking up.  Seated at the small step by his front door was Neji, looking very much bored and tired, as if he had been there all night.  Sasuke stared at him dumbly, his mouth open to receive food and some of the crust still hanging on his tongue.  Neji looked up at him and straightened up.  Sasuke gathered himself enough to close his mouth.

“Have you been here all night?” he asked after a moment, uncaring about his mouth being full.

Neji studied him, taking in his disheveled appearance.  “I figured you would come home sometime in the evening.  Apparently not, though,” he said, studying the clothes the raven was wearing.  He felt a jolt of jealousy all of a sudden as he was sure that they weren’t his own clothes and must have borrowed them from someone.  And seeing as he was just returning home now, it was safe to assume that he spent the night with the owner of the clothes.

Sasuke stood there dumbly for a moment before he chewed his food and swallowed.  Gathering his wits, he pushed passed the older man coolly and unlocked his door.  Entering calmly, he left the door open for the brunette to follow though he did not voice anything to him.  He was careful to remove his shoes at the door and then made his way into the kitchen.

After he set his uniform down on the table, he moved over to the cabinet to grab a glass.  He was filling it up with water when Neji entered and took calmly in the doorway, watching him.  Sasuke calmly sipped it and then took his last few bites of his breakfast.  “I have no food to offer you but there is water,” Sasuke said indifferently as he threw away his napkin.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Neji said and then looked at his teammate with a smile.  “Why don’t we just cut to the chase?”

Sasuke sighed and took another sip before he nodded.  He looked at the man seriously.  “Fine.  I think we both got very drunk and acted hastily.”

“Well we agree on that point,” Neji said in a formal tone.  He then eyed Sasuke seriously with a strange look in his eyes.  The look unnerved the raven.  He couldn’t distinguish what it meant or why Neji was giving him this look in the first place.  For some reason it made Sasuke feel uncomfortable and he felt dread fill him.  He had a feeling he would not like where this was going to lead.

“Then the question now is where this puts us,” Neji said as boldly started closing the space between them.  More than anything Sasuke wanted to keep a respectable distance between them- after all, Sasuke had humiliated himself in front of this man and gave himself to him in a way that he dared not even think about doing with another person besides Kakashi.  However, he was not going to show his discomfort and weakness even more by moving away.  He wanted to appear strong and calm about this, indifferent.  Moving away would immediately give him away and he wasn’t willing to do that.  He had already given enough to the older man in front of him.

Neji settled himself next to the raven, leaning against the counter and his hip brushing up against Sasuke’s.  “Obviously, we work together regularly and need to maintain a functional relationship in order for our missions to be successful.  If our relationship becomes strained, it can cause disastrous results for our team.  Our missions could fail or even worse, someone could get hurt,” he said seriously.

Silently, Sasuke took note of the fact that his words seemed almost rehearsed.  Idly, Sasuke wondered if he had spent all night thinking over what he would say to him.  Guilt weighed down his mind for a moment.  While Sasuke had been sleeping away his troubles in his safe zone of Kakashi’s embrace, Neji had been sitting up all night on his doorstep waiting for him and practicing his speech.  Sasuke ran, not looking back, while Neji was left to deal with the pieces he had left behind.  Sasuke had been selfish, again.

Neji continued his rehearsed speech after a moment; as if he had taken a pause to let his words sink in.  “I’ve thought about this all night and I see two choices before us.  Obviously, we could forget about this.  We can simply shake hands and agree that it had been a hastily made decision on both our parts and we should just move on as if it hadn’t happened.  Of course, we will need to ensure that any lingering doubts or feelings on the subject need to be hashed out now so that we can converse as friends and teammates.  We need to know that we will always have each other’s back and that this incident will not cause us to falter in any way that could lead to trouble in the future, whether socially or while on missions,” he concluded in a very business tone.

Sasuke nodded, finding this very reasonable.  It was more than he could have hoped for and honestly, Sasuke hadn’t expected Neji to be so understanding and almost dismissive about this.  While obviously it was a big deal, Sasuke was surprised to see that Neji was presenting the options in a factual and clear manner, something Sasuke was good with understanding and dealing with.

“And the other option . . .?” Sasuke trailed off uncertainly, unsure if he really wanted to hear it.  it was probably the exact opposite of the first option and Sasuke wasn’t sure how he even felt about thinking about that.  It sort of felt wrong . . . and that sense of betrayal of Kakashi made his stomach clench uncomfortably.

Neji faltered for a moment, obviously losing his nerve for a moment and his cool going along with it.  He looked away, looking as flustered as Sasuke had ever seen him.  Of course it wasn’t a complete loss of control- after all he was a Hyuuga and they were just as stubborn in their need to always appear in control as Uchiha.  But it was clear that Neji was at a loss for a moment, making Sasuke even more nervous for what was about to come out of his mouth.

“I’m not going to lie,” Neji said after a moment to regain himself, “while last night was certainly unplanned and not where I imaged we would ever go, I’m not going to say that I didn’t enjoy it.”

Sasuke stared at him for a moment, refusing to think about last night or even his night with Kakashi so long ago in order to keep his composure.  When it became clear that Neji was not going to say anything more, Sasuke took it as his turn to speak.  “And?  It is not uncommon to enjoy sex.  I don’t see how that fact has any relevance in this conversation?”

Neji sighed, shaking his head and leaning fractionally closer to the raven.  “You aren’t going to make this easy on me, are you?” he asked more to himself than to Sasuke.  He took a sharp breath and squared his shoulders while maintaining the closeness between them.  “I enjoyed the sex last night.  While I may not have any experience with men to compare it to, my other experiences paled in comparison to what we did last night.  I enjoyed having you in my bed.  I enjoyed the thought that I was the only person to take you to bed that way and-” he was cut off suddenly before he could finish.

“Who say’s that I haven’t had sex before?  Who says you were the first to take me?” Sasuke asked heatedly.

Neji blinked in surprise, his mind whirling from the sudden change in topic.  “I just assumed.  While you are obviously attractive, you just don’t strike me as someone to take advantage of this fact for a one night stand.  You always seemed so much more focused on your missions,” he said calmly, trying to calm Sasuke’s sudden defensiveness.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Well I’ll have you know that while you may be the first to take me to bed, you aren’t the first to take me,” he said quickly before he could even process what he was saying.  Instantly he regretted sharing it as a confused expression crossed Neji’s face. 

“I don’t understand,” he stated calmly.

Sasuke couldn’t control the blush that began to dust over his cheeks and he quickly looked away, his strong, indifferent front be damned.  There was really no recovering from his outburst with dignity and now he had opened up questions about his strange relationship with his sensei.

He took a moment to decide what he would say and then kept his gaze away from his captain as his spoke.  “I was not a virgin last night.  I had sex before, with a man, but it wasn’t in a bed.  It had been in the kitchen,” he said, the last sentence coming out more quietly than the rest of it.

An uncomfortable sensation coiled in Neji’s gut, twisting it painfully.  He looked around the kitchen, taking note of the table and the countertops.  In an instant an image on Sasuke bent over the counter came to mind without his control.  He could clearly imagine Sasuke moaning for some faceless man the same way he had moaned for him, and he could imagine that same man taking him roughly.  After all, to have sex in a kitchen, his first time too, he imagined the act would have been completely driven by lust that he had to have him right that moment, bed or not.  To take him in a kitchen, it seemed wrong.  And it made him angry and he was finally able to identify the sensation as jealousy.

Then again, who was Neji to talk?  Even if Sasuke had been a virgin like he thought, their first time hadn’t been much better.  They had been drunk out of their minds, too drunk to care about the consequences in the moment and instead so focused on quenching their lust.  The way they had acted had been wrong too.  The first time was supposed to be something magically, or some romantic crap like that.  If not so clichéd and well, naive, then at least Sauske deserved to have his first time to be with someone who he trusted or liked if not loved (though Neji was pretty sure Sasuke didn’t even know what love meant) who would take him slowly and gently, introducing him to the wonderful world that was sex.

Neji’s own first time had been with Tenten during a brief stint in their friendship in which they tried to be more to one another.  Sure, while they hadn’t been in love, it still had been nice that it had been with someone he trusted and cared for, if even as a very close friend.  They had taken it slow, trying to get through the awkwardness that was the first time for both of them, but it had been nice.  Sasuke deserved something like that, not to be roughly taken while bent over the kitchen counter.

“The kitchen, seriously?  Your first time had been bent over the counter?” he asked, a slight edge to his voice.

Instantly Sasuke reacted defensively.  Obviously what he and Kakashi had done was certainly unconventional and hasty; it didn’t mean that it meant anything less.  Kakashi had saved him that night.  He showed him that he was loved and that he was there for him for whatever he needed.  When dealing with the loss of everything and then having to come back to start all over, Kakashi had been there to comfort him and keep him from completely losing it.  Sasuke could have easily slipped if he had been left alone that night and who knows where he could be today if that had happened.  He could be in a loony-bin somewhere, locking in jail, off on some sort of rampage or even dead-by someone else’s hand or even his own.  Sasuke owed everything to Kakashi, and it had all started in that kitchen.  Yes, unconventional and maybe inappropriate to have sex for the very first time in a kitchen, but that was just how they were.  They were teacher and student, an age gap between them, and two men at that.  Somehow sweet, tender “love-making” in a bed just wouldn’t be them.

Sasuke took a step back from Neji, glaring at him harshly.  “You have no idea what you are talking about, so don’t sit there with your judgmental tone.  I don’t have to explain myself to you as it is none of your damn business what I do and who I do it with or even how I do it,” he snapped.

Neji blinked again in surprise, clearly not expecting the younger male to get so defensive.  It was obviously a sensitive subject and Neji instantly found himself incredibly curious.  Who was this person whom he had slept with?  How did he know him and how did he breach the nearly indestructible walls Sasuke had erected around himself.  Who had gotten to him first and did they still have a place in his life?  Somehow Neji couldn’t see anyone except maybe Naruto being the one to accomplish such a feat. 

“Do you still see this person?” Neji asked suddenly, unable to stop himself.  With images of Naruto and Sasuke dancing in his head, it had to know.

“Excuse me?” Sasuke asked, disarmed by the question.

“The man who took your virginity, do you still see him?” he asked seriously, dread filling his stomach.  What if Sasuke and Naruto were really together?  Maybe that was one of the reasons why he and Naruto didn’t get along.  Maybe Naruto felt threatened by him.

Sasuke paused for a moment, studying his captain.  “Yes I still see him,” he said slowly, unsure if he should really be sharing the information.  “But we aren’t together like that,” he found himself saying.  It almost hurt to say, even though it was true.  He and Kakashi weren’t sleeping together like that.  It had been a onetime thing and they hadn’t looked back.  But now, faced with the uncertainty of another man, Sasuke suddenly found himself longing for something.  What this something was, he couldn’t be sure. 

Everything stilled in the kitchen as the two men stared at each other, their words slowly sinking in between them.  Sasuke chewed on his lip nervously, suddenly wanting to go back to Kakashi.  But he knew he had to face this.  He had already run before and running did nothing to make it go away.  He had no more options left.

Neji stepped forward again, closing the gap that Sasuke had made between them.  He looked Sasuke in the eyes seriously, his fingers idly reaching out to toy with the fabric of the baggy shirt he was wearing.  An idle thought occurred to him that the clothes he wore could belong to the same man, who in his mind was a certain obnoxious blonde friend.  His fingers clenched over the fabric momentarily, irrational anger filling him, before he quickly let go and took a deep breath.

Sasuke stood tense, unsure what the other man was doing.  At first he thought he was going to kiss him, a thought that had unnerved the raven.  But instead he just stared at him, fisting his shirt for a moment.  Sasuke swallowed slowly.

Neji took a moment and then took a step back, feeling Sasuke’s unease.  He didn’t want to pressure him into anything.  “I like you,” Neji stated bluntly, causing Sasuke’s eyes to widen and inhale sharply in surprise.  “And the other option is to give me a chance.  I don’t know what you have going on with anyone else, but I like you and we are obviously fairly compatible in bed,” he said in an uneasy and unfamiliar jokingly tone while taking another step back.  “I think we could be good together if we tried.

Sasuke stared at him blankly, unable to process it.  He blinked slowly and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.  He closed his mouth and tried to gain some composure.  Neji just paused and then looked to him seriously.

“I don’t want an answer now.  Take time to think it through.  I won’t be hurt with either of your answers so don’t let that effect your decision.  Just take your time to really think it through.  We can discuss it when you have made your decision.  Until then, I’ll try to keep out of your hair.”  He gave a slight nod and then turned quickly, getting out of there before he could say anything more.

Sasuke stared after him for a long time, unable to quite comprehend how that had unraveled.  He took a deep breath and let out a big sigh, leaning against the counter behind him.  He found himself suddenly exhausted by the whole thing.  How had be made a stupid drunken decision and now is faced with his captain having feelings for him?  And who in their right mind would even like him?  And now he was expected to make a decision about his relationship status with Neji when he wasn’t even sure about his complex relationship with Kakashi?  

He exhaled shakily, almost angry about the turn of events.  He and Kakashi had been going on real comfortably for years now.  Now, after a night with Neji, he was suddenly questioning everything.  His relationship with his captain, his relationship with Kakashi, his feelings for the older man.  It was overwhelming.

“I need a drink,” Sasuke muttered to himself, breaking the ever lingering silence in his once happy home.


End file.
